Friday, June 15, 2012

The Morning Dash

"  Mommy?"

It's #1.  His voice is so faint.  Oh, just let me sleep, child.....

"Mommy?  I'm just gonna go downstairs, mm'k?  Play can stay in bed, K?"

"Mm hmm."  That was all I could muster.  Now....back to my lovely dream...about someone....and...something................

Child #1 is a genius, by the way.  And, not just because he got straight A's on his last 3rd quarter report card, because he did, by the way.  But, because he knows that the earlier he attempts his request for morning X-box play the better his odds are at getting my stamp of approval, as I am still groggy and still of somewhat mild demeanor.

A fleeting thought sneaks in....What time is it?  I do a quick phone check.  And, now it's on the floor.  Crap.  OK.  Got it. 6:23 am.  Early....nice.  Back to dreamland.  Very nice.

Wait!  X-box at 6:23 am????  Not good.  But.....I'm so cozy and snuggly and.....the dream.  Oh, one day won't hurt him, right?...............................


I am suddenly flung involuntarily out of bed and onto the floor.  It would appear as though a 747 has just crashed through the sliding glass doors in my kitchen.

Aaaaaggghhh!  GAH!  What the....????

"Baby!  What happened?  Whaaaaa?"

#2 is the proverbial stone-faced deer.  He is immobile in a hot mess puddle of produce, cottage cheese, salsa, cans of Coke Zero and some left overs that should have been tossed a few days back.  The only casualty I can spot so far is the bowl in which said left overs resided.  Well, that and the cottage cheese.  And the salsa.  Dammit.  I just bought that.  Yeah, pretty sure we won't open any Coke Zeros for a bit.  And, thank goodness I moved the milk to the door shelf.


Somehow the shelf to which my child clung to as he teetered on the ledge of the fridge remained in tact.  Small favors.

"Umm...what happened?" I murmur as I slump to the floor to begin clean up.

"I was hungry, and, um, you told me to get it myself.  I wanted yogurt...and...sniff...and....I...sssslipped...."

Oh boy.  Here come the tears.  Mother of the year strikes again...can't wake up to feed children and allows them to play video games at the crack of dawn.  Awesome.

"Come here.  I know it was an accident."  Man, I hate to admit it but I kinda love these moments when he needs his momma to love him and he nuzzles his little head into my neck.  Gotta enjoy it while I can.

Time check.  7:37 am.  7:37 am!!!!!!  MOTHER FUUUUUdgecicle!!!!!  OK.  Calm down! Assess.  OK.  Finish clean up, 3 showers, dress self and help #2, dry hair, apply makeup, coffee...oh god, yes, 3 breakfasts, pack my lunch, drive through bank to get money for day camp field trip, drop boys off at YMCA, and get self to work...all by 9:00 am.

Totally unreasonable.  Reassess.  Clean up, shower children, bird bath for mom, straighten hair, 5 minute makeup, cereal for 3, coffee for 1....totally non-negotiable, order Jimmy Johns for lunch, bank, Y, work.  OK.  That should do it.

Yeah, don't judge me on the bird bath thing.  Desperate times...desperate measures.  All key areas were tended to, I assure you.

I am midway through my 5 minute makeup when I hear what sounds like a 1 gallon water balloon crashing down on my kitchen table.  Oh...nope.  Just the entire pitcher of juice I made last night spilling all over my kitchen table, chairs and floor. 

"Oh for #@$% #%!^$#@#%#$^^&%*&%J*!!!!!!!"

And, now I have 2 stone faced deer in my kitchen. 

#1 attempts an explanation.  "I was getting us juice and I didn't want to bug you because I knew you were in a hurry and the lid, it just, I don't know, popped off."

Run to closet, grab towels.  Toss at children.  Bark orders for them to start wiping up while I finish makeup.  I'm gonna need all the help I can get today. 

Time check.  8:33.  Not as bad as I thought.  Time enough to do a quick Swiffer mop of the floor.

"Let's go!"

After about 10 lovely seconds of silence in the car, #1 speaks up.

"Mom? I have an idea.  What if you started getting up a little bit earlier, you know, like 30 minutes or so.  Maybe you wouldn't feel so rushed in the mornings.  Just an idea."

I wasn't sure whether I should kiss him or flick him.  But, yes, I realize he's right. Today, I blame the dream.

It was just another day in the life.  One to which I'm certain many of you can relate.  But through all the trials and tribulations one thing is very clear, every day is an adventure.  Yes, that's a nice way of putting it.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Lobotomy vs. Beach

Maya Angelou is quoted as having said, "If you change your way of thinking you can change your life."

Okay.  How does one do such a thing?  Please, a little insight on this elusive task would be greatly appreciated.  Is there an online course I could take and absorb and re-enter the life force a carefree, stress free and generally happy-go-lucky type gal?  Oh, please....tell me it is so.

My mother frequently used a term to describe me.  Get ready for it....wait for it.....uptight.  Ugh!  I loathe the word.  But, alas, I know it fits me to a "T".  And, frankly, it sucks.  To be so uptight.  It is THE thing about myself that I would most like to change.  If only it were so easy. 

Oh, yes.  I've read self help "stop and smell the roses" books, blogs and magazine articles.  My Pinterest boards are chalk full of inspirational quotes such as "Keep Calm and Carry On!", or "Live each day with a fresh start", or "If you want to be happy then be".......oh, blah frickity blah.

I mean, of COURSE I would love to be "that" girl.  Kind of like the one, you know, in the New Freedom maxi pad commercials back in the 1970's?  She was strolling on the beach with her sandals in her hand....kicking at the waves and giggling relentlessly.  Not a care in the world, that one.  Even though she had Barbie's twin sized mattress stuck between her legs she just didn't care. Why?  Because she had found New Freedom!  She was a trail blazer of the women's movement to "go with the flow".  Truly, no pun intended there.  That just happened.

But, there is something to be said about the beach.  It, to me, is the most tranquil and heavenly spot on this great Earth.  Any beach will do, but, one in particular is where I'd like to be.  As often as possible.  Any of you who have been there know exactly what I am talking about.  It's a little slice of heaven on Lake Michigan.  I only have to wait 6 more weeks before I get to go there.  I hope my sanity remains in tact until then. 

So, in the mean time I think I'll forgo the idea of a lobotomy.  At least for now.  Seems a tad drastic anyways.  I'm not so sure that they even do them anymore.  I'll have to ask my favorite local surgeon the next time I see him. 

I choose beach.  Yes.  The beach awaits me and my uptight self.

Perhaps subconsciously I'm exposing my over-active uptightness to a higher-than-normal degree because I know that my beach therapy is in my very near future.  It's a thought.  Albeit a rather obtuse one. 

But, hey, to know me is to love me.  At least I hope so.  Oh, wait...I don't care.  But, I really do.  Oh, whatever.