Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Goddess Revenge

When you think about it, break ups really are a silly thing. It should be so much easier. Two people who once shared good company with one another should be able to part ways amicably and say "thanks so much for everything...had a really great time...but, it's  time to call it". No hurt feelings. No animosity. It SHOULD be so easy.

No such luck.  Typically one party is left in a heap wondering "what the hell just happened to me?". And, then, stage #2 in the stages of grief arrives....anger.

Oh, yes. Anger. What to do with this?  My advice?  Channel your inner goddesses.

Naturally the first goddess to step up to the plate in such tumultuous times would be Athena, Goddess of War.  She senses your pissedoffness and is ready to take aim. "What shall we do first?" the deity would beckon. "Bust his windows? Take a Louisville slugger to both headlights? Or just set his car on fire?"  Your heart quickens as you envision yourself as Angela Bassett walking in slow-mo towards the camera with billowing smoke and flames shooting up from behind you. Ohhhh, it's so tempting. You just want that idiot to hurt a fraction of how you hurt. But, you and Athena both know that destruction of his property will only make you feel better momentarily. And, besides, I think setting someone's car on fire might be a felony. Totally not worth it.

So, Athena concedes to Eirenne, the Greek Goddess who symbolized peace. Funny, you never really hear too much about her, do you? Oh well.

Eirenne will help you find your inner goddess peace. Yes, peacefulness is the next best solution. "Release your anger unto the Universe" she'd implore. You two would practice meditation and deep breathing. "Positive thinking will help you purge your spirit of the evil that has taken over. Set yourself free, my child."

Record scratch.

Okay, Erienne. Wrong girl. Sorry, honey. Next?!

Ahhh. The Mighty Aphrodite. The Olympian Goddess of Love and Beauty. You're feeling it now.

Yes, Aphrodite has the right idea. "Time to focus on your inner and outer beauty. Time to be selfish. Because, my child, there is no sweeter revenge than looking and feeling your personal best. It symbolizes that you have moved on. And it will make you more attractive to other men because they will sense your confidence."  Well, she ought to know. Her strength was the ability to make men fall in love with her. I like her already.

Aphrodite would run trails with you, spin on the bike next to you, shake her head at you when you "accidentally" reach into your son's bag of Doritos and carefully help you orchestrate each and every outfit you put on. She'd even jump up and down and cheer gleefully when you slip into a pair of jeans you haven't been able to wear in years.

And, then, before you know it, Nike, Goddess of Victory steps in, slaps you on the rear and runs the victory lap with you.  You made it, sister!  You are in the maintenance phase of post break up recovery.  Back to the you you loved long before you loved the idiot.  Just try not to lose sight of her next time around, okay?

Yes, eventually the dust does settle and you finally feel yourself return to some semblance of normalcy. You're about where you were, oh, say, almost a year ago. Only this time, you're a lot smarter, more peaceful and definitely hotter, thanks in large part to your goddesses.

I guess the silliest part of a break up is that we allow another person to take such a personal toll.  But, it's all a part of the game I guess.  So, if it's necessary to seek out the help of some mythological gals to get you through it, then so be it.

Fortunately for me, my goddesses are real!  True story.

1 comment:

  1. That's pretty cool. I get a much better sense of your writing here. This was quite vivid and I could imagine each Goddess talking to you in her own voice. That's a good thing.

    HEY! Maybe breakups are good for your writing?