Tuesday, July 17, 2012

5 Simple Things

I recently read a blog entitled "10 Simple Hints to Make Life Easier for Moms".  I was intrigued to say the least. Could it be true?  A mere 10 things to do to make my life easier? Oh, I'm in.

And then I read step #1 and realized that this woman must be a total whack job.  Just the title alone is an oxymoron. I should have known. But, curiosity got the best of me. Well, that and the dashing hope that maybe one out of ten things might grant me a moment's ease. A girl can dream.

So, allow me to share what I found to be the five most tantalizing items on her list.

1. Do 1 load of laundry a day.

 Ok. Let me see if I can get this straight. ONE load of laundry a day?  Apparently the darling woman's children are not allowed to eat sauces or condiments, they play no sports nor are they allowed to play outside. Or anywhere. At all. One load of laundry a day would put me back about 20 loads a week. Seriously.

2. Take at least 1 swipe of some area in the bathroom every day.

Well, this would work in MY bathroom. A simple swipe in my children's bathroom is not quite so simple. I have two boys. Enough said. A "simple swipe" would still require me to don a hazmat suit. And, that takes some extra time to slip in to. Nothing all that simple about that.

3. Plan meals ahead one week at a time.

We actually do this one. Monday, PB & J's; Tuesday, order pizza; Wednesday, leftover pizza; Thursday, pantry grab bag....I kid!!!  But, okay, you get the point. It's not really that bad at our house. I actually have been more thoughtful about creating a menu. I am the queen of the crock pot. But, the planning thing, well, let's just say its a work in progress.

4. Get up 1/2 hour earlier each day.

I really don't even know what to say here. Does this woman even have children?  My guess is one plus the assistance of a full-time nanny. Otherwise she'd surely know that the mere suggestion of this is a complete and utter epic fail. Sleep for mommies, my dear, is an elusive and coveted luxury. And, you're asking us to give some of it up?  I think not.

5. Have a chore list.

For who?  Me?  Already got that. But, thanks, really, for the helpful tip, sweetie. I mean, I get it. I do. But, by the time I got said list written I could very well have had all of the chores completed. Properly. And in a timely fashion. And, if you're thinking "this gal's a total control freak" then you would be correct.

So, I decided to create my own list of helpful mommy tips tailored to the single mommies with full time jobs who just need a little, teeny, tiny break.

"5 Simple Things for single working moms to do in order to keep from losing their ever-loving mind and winding up in the loony bin" 

1. Sleep in.

Whenever and wherever possible.

2. Enlist the shared help of other single mommies.

This is a gem. You share the same lot in life. Make it work for each other. How else do you expect to ever have any kind of a love life? Ever again?

3. Drink wine.

Or whatever. Not in excess, of course. Just enough to soften the edges of your severely frazzled nerves.

4. Exercise.

'Tis true. Endorphins are better than Prozac. I'm a believer. It's the time thing that's tricky. But, do it. And, yes, sex counts.

5. Breath.

It's easy to forget. But, you really shouldn't. I find myself holding my breath at times in order to keep from self combusting. But, it really is counter productive. I typically end up with a massive head ache. Breath. In and out. Count to ten and take deep breaths. It's kind of fun to see the kids faces when you open your eyes. They're always a tad freaked.

Honestly, it's whatever works for you. I try not to get too bridled down by how these self-professed super mommies make their lives look so effortless. Because, you have to believe that somewhere, deep down, they, too, are one toe out of the nut house.

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