Oh, my God...why can't I stop crying? Oh my God! What the fuck is wrong with me? I can't stop!!! Breath...gasp....breath. Oh, for fucks sake, get a fucking grip on yourself!!!!!
Where are my kids? How long has it been? Do they know I'm curled up in the fetal position on my bathroom floor? What the hell is wrong with me?
Oh, shit....there's child #2, peeking through the crack in the bathroom door.
"Ummm....." I feign a sniffle but the snot to air ratio in my sinuses is a bit skewed.
"Hi, baby. Mom's just a little...... sad." Really? "I'll be out in a minute...okay, pumpkin?"
"Mommy, I need to poop."
"Well, then I'm glad we have two bathrooms. Please go use the hall bathroom, okay?" By the way, I'm certain I didn't come across quite this politely when this conversation actually occurred. Bygones.....
"The toilet's clogged up in that bathroom."
Of course it is.
"What's wrong with your eyes? They're sticking out funny."
"Oh, just allergies." "Allergies".
Yes. This is exactly what I need right now. A tad bit of reality to bring me back to planet not-so-crazy. Christ-a-freaking-mony-on-a-Popsicle-stick.
Only took me 5 plunges this time. Not a record breaking poop. How considerate.
"Okay, baby. Poop away."
"I don't need to anymore."
Of course you don't.
Okay, sister....are we done here? Quick check in the mirror. DEAR LORD!!! I look like hell! Note to self...who needs collagen?.....my upper lip could shade my entire torso from the sun at this point. The thought of which, of course, makes me begin to cry even harder.
Have you ever caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror in the midst of the ugly cry? I truly hope not. There is, quite frankly, nothing less appealing on the face of this planet than a middle aged woman having a chronic breakdown by herself in her bathroom....and then bearing sole witness to it in the mirror. Horrific, in a nutshell.
Oprah coined the phrase. Naturally. The "ugly cry". And, every single woman out there knows exactly of what I speak. It is a necessary and unwelcome event of every woman's life. And, typically it occurs about once each month....sometimes worse than others, depending on current life circumstances.
Tonight's episode hit me quick and hard. My head is killing me. Throbbing, at best.
But, what was it exactly that made me cry like that? Or who? Oh, wait....now I remember. But....was it really worth all that?
Sometimes, well, most of the time, the answer to that question is a resounding "no". Sometimes we womenfolk just need a good big fat ugly cry. To purge, so to speak. To release the toxins that consume us unto the world so that we may move forward, confident, happy and whole.
But, it's a nice thought, right?
So, here I sit in the aftermath of a level 4 (out of 5, by the way) "ugly cry" asking myself, and anyone out there who may care, why the hell do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow certain circumstances of our lives to take us to a level where the only thing that we can do to amend the situation is cry at unholy levels until we can cry no more?
I suppose on some level it does make us feel better. But, for the most part, tonight in particular, I just feel tired and swollen.
I don't know. Food for thought.
P.s. Sorry for my absence. It's certainly not for a lack of topics. I have plenty of those. Oh, just you wait......