Monday, August 29, 2011

Things that make you go, hmmm

Call me Arsenio. But, one day last week I watched something that actually made me go, "hmmmm?"  Or, "what's up with that?"  It was a very slow day at work so I was lost in thought looking out the window.  Something unusual caught my eye.  I noticed a very well-coiffed young woman, dressed to the nines in heels and a coordinated skirt and blouse.  She was pushing a baby in a stroller past my store.  And then, about 10 minutes later I saw her go by again. And again, 3 more times.  And then not.  Hmmm.  It just seemed so odd.  Was there a race that I was unaware of?  Because if so she was clearly winning.  Or, were she and her family in town for a wedding and her husband dropped her off there to try to calm the baby down in the stroller while he searched wildly all over town for a pacifier just like the baby's favorite one that they had lost?  No, it was 10:30 am on a Friday.  I'd thought maybe I'd open the door on her next round and ask if she needed help but she never came back.  I guess I'll never know.

Two goods friends of mine were in downtown St. Louis a few years back and had a hmmm moment.  They were walking on the sidewalk and noticed a rather large African American woman coming towards them.  She walked with a relatively wobbly gait and she was holding one of her breasts with her hand.  They overheard her say, "My mother f-bleep-in' tit hurt."  So, once they were able to compose themselves, they asked the question, why?  Had she just had a needle biopsy?  Had she just had a mammogram?  Had she bumped into something or had someone hit her there?  It will remain a mystery.  But, my girlfriend does do a fabulous re-enactment of the scene!

Last year I was driving past Aldi's grocery store and saw something I'm sure I'll never see again.  A man was standing in front, not by the glass doors, but by the brick wall out front.  He was very animated, yelling and flailing his arms about.  Next thing you know he launches a tomato at the store, flipped the bird and walked off.  What the?  Was he at his wit's end with purchasing bad produce?  Or had he recently lost his job there and this was his act of revenge? Your guess is as good as mine. 

When I was in college I had an extreme hmmm moment.  I was walking to class one afternoon and noticed a bird perched on top of a no parking sign.  The closer I got the stranger I thought it was that the bird wasn't flying off.  I was right upon it and the damn thing didn't move, just sat there staring at me. So I continued on and next thing I knew I was under full attack.  The bird was clawing and pecking at the back of my head as if I had just robbed it's newborns out of it's nest and threw them in the garbage.  But I hadn't done a flipping thing to that stupid bird!  At the time I wasn't really thinking "hmmm".  I was, however, feeling a bit like Tippi Hedren as I screamed and ducked and swatted at the bird to leave me alone! I was so grateful to the mob of onlookers who did NOT bother to help me.  I managed to give the bird the slip and I ran into my building.  "What the HELL was that all about?"  My hair was a lovely sun-scorched texture and shade.  Perhaps the bird thought it would make a nice addition to it's nest.  Or, had it mistaken me for someone who actually did swipe it's offspring? Not sure, but, honest to God, 2 days later when I went back to the same class it happened again!!  Needless to say from there on out I took a different route to class. 

I imagine I'll have a lifetime of things that will make me go hmmm.  Everyday I wonder hmmm about things like why does Chris Martin from Coldplay wrap his fingers in multi colored bandaids, or why do people still have mullets?  I will probably never know.  So I'll just have to believe that the universe has an explanation for everything. Wish it could explain the bird incident to me.  Maybe the world had reached its cap on bird lovers.  Problem solved.  I hate birds. 

No comments:

Post a Comment