Life is scary, at best. But, sometimes you just need to grab a hold of the handle bars, put on a smile and hope and pray that every little thing is gonna be all right.
There really is something about being over 40. I do feel sage and secure, somehow. I'm not really sure how that is exactly. But, I do. So, I just go with it. I tread lightly. I don't want to awaken the god of false hope and security and have her go, "ha, ha! joke's on you, idiot!"
So, as far as those "dangerous liaisons" go, here's the skinny:
I went to see Kid Rock in concert. I went very begrudgingly, I might add. But, I went.
My very good friend is a HUGE fan, to say the least. Once she found out that he was going to be at the United Center in Chicago she was on it! Frankly, she would have been content to see the Rock-n-Roll Jesus with a group of toothless hillbillies, but, fortunately for her, she had 3 close girlfriends, myself included, who were up for the adventure.
I've never been a fan, and that's being nice. The mention of him conjured up screeching lyrics, sweaty, stringy hair and Pam Anderson. All of the above of which I am not a fan.
But, I was due a trip to my favorite city with 3 of my favorite girls. Game on. I figured there would be enough beer and people watching to occupy my just-under-2-hours at the United Center.
But, here's the kicker: I liked it....him. I actually liked the show! And, let me tell you, that dude puts on one hay-ell of a show!!! Who knew? Well, apparently thousands of people other than myself already knew.
So, I am a Kid Rock convert, much to my surprise. I had no idea that he even played an instrument, let alone 3! He even "scratched"! Records, folks, not himself. Well, he may have, but I didn't see it.
So, I guess the moral here is, "don't knock it 'til you try it". If this wasp-y and relatively uptight gal can become a Kid Rock fan at 42 then anything is possible!
This truly is not something that I want to divulge upon but I will because it is to date my most life-altering event.
Divorce. Just the word itself is ugly.
If someone had told me 5 years ago that I would have to go through this I would have laughed in their face, shortly after I had told them where to go. But, it's not something that people plan on. I certainly did not. When we were married I signed on for life. I was certain that it was my happy ending.
But, life has a funny way of sneaking up behind you and yanking the proverbial rug out from under you.
I have made it through all of the stages of grief, because it is, after all, a death.
If anything good were to have come out of this, I would say it would have to be my perspective. I have taken a very long and hard look at myself and my choices, good and bad. I own my mistakes and I will stop condemning myself for them. I realize that there are things that are entirely out of my control and I have to be able to walk away from them.
It was not a "dangerous" event. It was a sad one. But, as my mother would say, "life is earnest.....", and I'm sure you know the rest by now.
I have wanted to write for over 20 years now. But, the thought of it scared the bee-jaysus out of me.
As an artist, I understand that writing is a form of art. And, as such, it is subjective. There is no physical creation when you are finished, unless you are lucky enough to get published. It is words that you have written. Words that you find interesting.
But.........what if no one else does? That is scary!
Blogging became a very easy introduction into the world of writing for me. I can write as much or as little as I want. I can even decide whether or not I want to publish what I have written.
I suppose I should take a moment to both apologize and thank the victim of blog #1. But, I was just so tickled by the events that were unfolding before me at the time that I felt completely compelled to write about it. So, for that I offer a very genuine "I'm sorry, 'sir' ", and, "thanks for the mojo!" :)
To my great delight and surprise, you have received me very well. I am eternally grateful to anyone who has bothered to take time out of their very busy lives to read my blog. This is a gift that you give me every day. It brings me so much joy to write and I hope that I do not let you down too often!
What I have learned so far in this life is that you should afford yourself the opportunity of trying something new. Don't be afraid to take those leaps. And, whether the outcome is good or bad, at least you can say you were brave. At least for a moment.
So, thanks to a few small hops and a couple of giant leaps I have found myself exactly where I want to be. Right here, right now. I am grateful for what I have in this moment and I am open to trying new things. It's a pretty good place to be.
I do have another, um, "event", we'll call it, coming up in the very near future. I'll leave it at that for now. It's not at all "dangerous". It is, however, a tad bit scary! I'll give you a hint: I haven't done this in 15 years!
.......to be continued?............